Features • Rev. Deacon Ed Shoener

THE OBITUARY OF DEPRESSION VICTIM GIVES RISE TO CATHOLIC MENTAL HEALTH MINISTRY

CONVERSATION BETWEEN DR MELESE SHULA OF THE CATHOLIC HEALTH CARE ASSOCIATION OF SOUTHERN AFRICA AND REV. DEACON SHOENER*

BY DR MELESE SHULA | CATHOLIC HEALTH CARE ASSOCIATION OF SOUTHERN AFRICA

How did the death of your daughter Katie give rise to the beginning of a new Ministry in the Catholic Church?How did the death of your daughter Katie give rise to the beginning of a new Ministry in the Catholic Church?

“My daughter Katie had a mental illness. She died by suicide when she was 29. I want to tell you the story about the beauty and dignity of Katie’s life. And I also want to tell you what I have since learned about the beauty and dignity of all people who live with mental illness; people who all too often must live with the unfair burdens of shame and discrimination for simply having an illness. These are people who are too often abandoned by our society, and sadly, at times, by our Church.

How was Kate and what led her towards suicide?

Everyone loved Katie. You couldn’t help but love her. She was beautiful. She was vibrant. She played soccer, musical instruments, and always had a group of close friends. She was in a word: “Awesome”. Yet, when her mental illness flared up, this mental illness told Katie that she was a terrible burden that no one liked or loved, and that she was a useless mistake.

The mental illness finally overwhelmed her and became lethal. There’s nothing rational about suicide. Just hours after we found out that Katie died, I wrote her obituary.

What happened when you wrote her obituary?

As you can imagine, I was in shock and in no way able to think straight—but God was with me. I wanted our neighbors and parishioners to know what happened so that there would not be any gossip or hushed talk. I wanted them to know that Katie was a good girl who had a terrible illness.

I had hoped Katie’s obituary would encourage an open and honest conversation in our small town of Scranton, Pennsylvania, about mental illness and suicide.

What actually happened was totally unexpected and amazing. Her obituary went viral. It was covered in the news around the world. Katie’s obituary has been seen by millions of people.

It apparently spoke and speaks to what so many people who live with mental illness experience.

This is Katie’s obituary—it is short and simple:

Katie Shoener, age 29, fought bipolar disorder for eleven years, but she finally lost the battle to suicide. So often people who have a mental illness are known as their illness. People say that “she is bipolar” or “she is schizophrenic.” Over the coming days as you talk to people about this, please do not use that phrase. People who have cancer are not cancer, those with diabetes are not diabetes. Katie was not bipolar—she had an illness called bipolar disorder. Katie herself was a beautiful child of God.

We can do better

The way we talk about people and their illnesses affects the people themselves and how we treat the illness. In the case of mental illness there is so much fear, ignorance, and hurtful attitudes that the people who suffer from mental illness needlessly suffer further.

Our society does not provide the resources that are needed to adequately understand and treat mental illness.

In Katie’s case, she had the best medical care available, she always took the cocktail of medicines that she was prescribed, and she did her best to be healthy and manage this illness—and yet—that was not enough.

Someday a cure will be found, but until then, we need to support and be compassionate to those with mental illness, every bit as much as we support those who suffer from cancer, heart disease, or any other illness. Please know that Katie was a sweet, wonderful person that loved life, the people around her—and Jesus Christ. I am convinced that God used Katie’s obituary to deliver His message of love.

What effect had Katie’s obituary on people’s lives?

It was just one small thing, but God used Katie’s obituary to help people understand that He is with them in their struggle with mental illness—and He has mercy on those who die by suicide.

One person wrote: “God is using this for a good divine purpose, to educate others to be compassionate… do not be quick to judge because it can happen to you or anyone.”

Our society does not provide the resources that are needed to adequately understand and treat mental illness.

I now bring Katie’s joyfulness and exuberance into the world by transforming her suffering into service to those who suffer from mental illness.

Since Katie’s death, I have joined with many other good people to create the Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers and South Africa is also part of the bigger world.

We help people start a new kind of ministry, called mental health ministry. We are inspired by Pope Francis’s call to build stigma-free parishes of warmth and affection that accompany and support people who experience mental illness, as well as those who care for them.

If you are struggling with a mental illness, know this:

Your pain is real—but so is Hope.
Christ will never abandon you.
You are never alone.
Christ sees your beauty.
Christ sees your dignity.